


Sleep Deprivation Equals Bad Decisions

by CloverzBandit



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Disowned by family, F/F, Other, Overdose, Pass out, Past Abuse, Past Panic Attack, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Past Suicide Attempt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Seizer, Self-Esteem Issues, Some Fluff, breakdowns, insomia, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 16:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19322020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloverzBandit/pseuds/CloverzBandit
Summary: Lapis can't go to sleep and she has an important interview to get to. Whatever shall she do?(Habit (T-Mass Remix) (Panic Pills))Drop at 1:15-1:42(Panic room- Au/Ra)Welcome to the panic room Where all your darkest fears are gonna Come for you, come for you Welcome to the panic room You'll know I wasn't joking When you see them too, see them too Welcome to the panic room (Welcome to the Welcome to the) There's no crying wolves now 'Cause the truth has settled in Hiding under goose down For your nightmare to begin





	Sleep Deprivation Equals Bad Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> This might be triggering to some btw. This is more of a vent like fic because I've been suicidal some but here it is. Also, this work is inspired by the songs I put in the summary, along with https://archiveofourown.org/works/4917970/chapters/11283217 and https://archiveofourown.org/works/4556949/chapters/10373523

Sleep

 

All Lapis wanted was a good night's rest in her adult life. Ever since her breakup from Jasper, she would have nightmares of the deep depths of the ocean, suffocating for breath, arms pulling, inaudible voices, sirens alerting, and heavily pants desperate for air. Not to mention the abuse and rape. She absolutely hates the memories in detail.

 

That wasn’t the only thing though. Lapis was disowned by her foster family, along with her non-biological siblings and cousins. They even trapped her in a room of mirrors for a couple of days to make her straight. It made Lapis insane, so much so she broke all the mirrors. Her aunt and grandparents literally threw her out on the streets. She would have nightmares of her reflection taunting her, doubting herself and her life, among other things that were utter torture to her psyche.

 

Three months later, Lapis was in a decent job and a good friend group to help with her PTSD. Steven was the one who got her out of her relationship with Jasper in the first place, which she praised him for, silently. The happiest moment of her life was meeting Peridot, who later became her girlfriend. They did all types of things to be creative and love each other, and make sure they _know_ they love each other.

 

Though, with a bad past, Lapis has had her moments of breakdowns and panic attacks. It broke Peridot to see Lapis in such a state but the blonde was the one to fully relive her fears. Lapis even had a breakdown and did some self-harm and attempt on suicide, almost stabbing herself in the chest. Luckily Peridot came in at the right time, though it scarred Peridot to see that. After that, Lapis was getting official treatment with a therapist, who was coincidentally one of the group's mothers, Garnets mom Sapphire. Lapis takes pills to help with her PTSD and her suicidal thoughts. The one thing that Lapis truly needed was sleeping pills to help with her incoming insomnia. It got so bad with her sleep schedule that Lapis and Peridot had to sleep apart, which admittedly crushed Lapis. She could barely function. She hates herself for being like this. Hates being a burden to her girlfriend and hates her messed-up life in the past that it left a big mark in her mental state, she got the scars to prove it physically too.

 

But tonight, tonight was the scariest, to say the least. Lapis has actual stuff to do in the morning. It stressed her out and Lapis had to deal with it, alone.

 

“Come on stupid brain! You got shit to do tomorrow! You have very important shit tomorrow that will get you higher in life!” Lapis cursed to herself, laying in bed and looking at the ceiling intently.

 

She already took her sleep pills she bought at Kroger but she guessed tonight they didn’t decide to let her sleep at the worst possible time. They only last so long, until her mind wanders to the depths of her past.

 

Lapis lets out a groan, the warning on the capsule to only take two and not anymore. Lapis looked to the digital clock on her bedside table.

 

It read 1:38 pm.

 

Lapis moves her head. Her capsule of the sleeping pills. It was tempting as hell to take all the pills in one go, just to get a normal night's sleep. But insomnia was a bitch and wanted to be heard. So Lapis laid their, thinking about nothing at times and everything the next.

 

“Kill me.” Lapis grunted.

 

* * *

 

2:56 pm

 

“I’m impressed, ok! Not sleeping for more than 8 hours a week can drive someone insane. Like me! A worthless…..bitch that can’t take care of herself for one fucking night with Peridot going overtime at work!” Lapis cried, tears falling down her cheeks.

 

“I just want to sleep goddamnit! Is that too much to ask, whatever god that makes people sleep!” Lapis sat up, slowly looking to the table with the capsule again. She glared at it.

 

“Fuck you.” She growls at it. “Fuck this warning!” She grabbed the capsule aggressively, along with struggling to open the child's safety cap. She fumbled with it a minute and resorted to using her teeth. It popped open finally, the cap flying to the ground, several yards away from Lapis.

 

She looked down at the opened bottle, seeing many blue pills in it. “Fuck it.” She announces, pouring a handful of pills in her palm and swallowing them down. She slammed her head against the pillow, closing her eyes.

 

Waiting….

 

* * *

 

3:05pm

 

Lapis was feeling the pull of unconsciousness as time passed. _Finally…._  Lapis was about to enter the realm of sleep when it hit her. _Oh shit! I overdosed!_ She sits up in a flash, causing her limbs to protest, vision swimming, chest hurting, and nausea hitting hard. She lays back and slowly sits up again, putting her weak legs on the outside of the bed. She looks at her hands. They were shaking violently, along with her noticeable fading vision. She shakily looks at the bottle of pills scattered along her bedsheets and the floor. Then panic shot her.

 

She was up on her feet, drunkenly running to the bathroom. She splashed herself with water, though missing her face and spilling water on the tiled floor. Her mind was racing, everything's happening slow but sudden.

 

Her stomach growled a weird noise that was concerning. Luckily she was in the right place to throw up.

 

* * *

 

3:15

 

It was blue. Just like the pills. Lapis was in a state of panic, adding to her heavy fatigue. It was hard for her to process everything. The only thing she could focus on was the fact she overdosed. She needed help. Her conscious, along with her life was fading away. Lapis didn't want to die, at least not yet; Though, a couple of weeks ago she would have. Lapis was basically dragging her body against the floor, struggling to find her phone.

 

She tried over and over to get her phone. She carried her person to the kitchen, using the drawer to help herself up after many failed attempts. She somehow got the phone to drop to the floor with her. She opened her phone, barely seeing the screen. She activated Siri.

 

“Speed dial…..Peri.” She managed out.

 

Siri automatically called her lover. It picked up in one ring.

 

“Hey, Laz. What’s going on.” She asked in a neutral voice, happy but nervous.

 

“Pear, help...I…” Lapis squeezed her eyes shut, feeling death coming closer. Lapis’s plead for help and pause caused Peridot to automatically become aware of the possible circumstances.

 

“Lapis, what’s wrong!” She frantically questioned, movement evident in the background.

 

Lapis took a while to come back to reality and process English.

 

“Accident….I….overdosssssse” Lapis slurred weakly. Her body slumped to the kitchen floor more, black seeping in from the corners of her blue eyes.

 

Peridot instantly called an ambulance, yelling and trying to keep Lapis awake.

 

“I was just on my way home. Stay with me!” Peridot shouted.

 

Lapis couldn’t process anything. Everything was muffled and fading to black. Lapis tried to remind herself not to sleep but forgot it in just a few moments. Before she let her mind blackout. She mumbled “Love yeaaa. And doesnot….blame self a’nd dons’t be….mad….” Lapis was losing light. There were more words from Peridot but everything turned to silence, black surrounding her.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Lapis went silent, Peridot speeds up her driving, worry and fear consuming her. It took her three minutes but Peridot barged in, immediately running to where Lapis might be. Once she reached the kitchen, she collapsed on her knees, looking at Lapis with terrified eyes.

 

Their laid Lapis, still and stiff. There were tears staining her cheeks, hair messy, shirt smelling of puke, her eye bags heavily deep, and a slight wheeze in her breath.

 

She checked her pulse. There was a slight beat in her veins. Then she put her ear against her heart to make sure. There was still a beat. Peridot was relieved that Lapis didn’t die yet. Though her skin was paler than usual and cold to the touch. She could hear sirens sound. _The ambulance._ Peridot got up and carried Lapis to the door. She was surprisingly light but that’s beside the point.

 

She made it outside of their house, the sirens getting louder and the flash in lights coming into view. She looked to the bluenette in her arms. Tears started to fall, soon coming with a sob and then the flood gates opened. She fell to the ground, crying over her unconscious companion.

 

* * *

 

It was really dark, an endless nothingness. It was like that for forever. She nowhere she was but she couldn’t find herself to care less about it. Then she heard muffled voices, someone touching her in places she couldn’t process. She panicked, remembering Jasper. She wanted to yell, scream, fight, anything, but she was numb and weak. She heard muffled voices and a fast beeping sound. She didn’t focus on that though. Jasper filled her mind. Her touches, her affection, her hits, and her manipulation. She did all those things to her but she can fight back. She started to struggle, mind and body being defensive. She couldn’t tell if she hit her back but she didn’t care. She just wanted her to stop touching her, using her. She fought, not noticing her body doing nothing but tremble and doctors trying to help her calm down. Her efforts were a worthless battle. She fights for ages but she didn’t notice her body shut down from exhaustion. She just laid their, stuck in her limbo, unaware of her unconscious everything. It was like a fever dream.

 

* * *

 

Peridot was scared, stressed, and panicked. She watched as they put Lapis on the stretcher and into a hospital bed. She watched as Lapis’s body becomes rigid and convulsive against the doctor's touch. She sees her breathing slow but become loud, along with her fast heart rate. She watched them shift her body, causing her to become scarcely still and heart rate to slow. They went through a series of steps, which Peridot knew to be treating seizures.

 

After ten excruciating minutes, the doctors monitored her breathing and heart rate until it became stable. Lapis fell into a deep sleep, using all her energy and strength remaining during her seizer. Now they were pumping her stomach but Peridot decided to leave for that. She waited in the waiting room until it was eight in the morning. A doctor came in and lead her to Lapis’s room, stating she was still unconscious but will be ok and successfully recovered.

 

Once she was alone with Lapis, Peridot pulled up a chair, careful of the equipment on, in, or around Lapis. She took her cold hand, feeling her veins and pulse. She let out a shaky breath, trying to relax. But it was an endless struggle. Tears streamed down her cheeks and a quiet sob escaped her.

 

“Oh, Lapis… Why have I not predicted this to happen? This…..is my fault.” Peridot continued to weep. After a while, Lapis spoke.

 

“It’s okay Peri, I’m okay. Don’t blame yourself too much.” She stated in a low and rough voice, squeezing the others hand. Peridot looked up at her tired but sincere eyes, the blonde smiled up at her.

 

“Thank god you're okay…. You overdosed and had a seizure, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Peridot leaned in, kissing Lapis’s cheek; she couldn’t kiss her lips due to the oxygen mask.

 

“No, it’s my problem. I just lost control over my insomnia.”

 

“It wasn't suicidal?”

 

“No, just me being paranoid about myself.” Lapis sighed.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“You were working and my mind was focused on trying to sleep, not contact my girlfriend.”

 

“I see.” She backs off of Lapis. “Well, guess you’ll miss your life-changing opportunity.”

 

“Fuck! I forgot about that, even though that’s kind of the cause I’m here…” she grunts. “I’m so stupid.” She makes a move to hit her head but Peridot intercepts it.

 

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up about this.”

 

“Pffft, took my advice huh?” The bluenette rolls her eyes.

 

“Yup, do you know when you’ll be out of here?”

 

“No, but I don’t care anymore. I just wanna sleep for eternity.”

 

“Would you like me to leave?” Peridot asked, releasing her hand.

 

“You can stay if you want to. I don’t want to waste your time.”

 

Peridot smiled, brushing Lapis’s hair out of her eye. “You are never a waste of time. You mean the world to me.” She states softly, kissing Lapis’s forehead again.

 

“M’k.” She lets out, letting unconsciousness consume her again.

 

“Have a nap as long as you want.” Peridot whispers, taking out her phone and texting Lapis’s acquaintance. She typed “Hey, Lapis Lazuli Hunter can’t make it today. She got in an accident this morning and is in the hospital right now. Can you make an arrangement another time? Thank you, Lapis’s,” She paused, _Is he or she homophobic? I guess I’ll use ‘roommate’._ She typed ‘roommate’ in and sent it, sighing and looking to Lapis sleep. A smile found it’s way on her face.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for a happy ending, whoops. Check out the other works I have posted today. Happy pride month!
> 
> Here is my Tumblr if your interested-https://www.tumblr.com/blog/cloverzbandit


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